TIT AND ASS
GORDON Brown's political agonies deepened yesterday as polls gave his Tory opponents a record lead over Labour, and allies of his predecessor, Tony Blair, passed a withering verdict on his performance as Prime Minister so far. The 40 Year Old Virgin took more than two hours to get its main character laid. In Knocked Up ...? Fifteen minutes flat. It's not that Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) was on the prowl or anything; fate just kinda got hammered and passed out in his lap. If New Zealand are ever to regain the trophy which they believe is their birthright, they have got to get over themselves and take a long look at the way the rest of the rugby world perceives them. Our "Best of All Time" issue (October 3) had been on the streets no more than 24 hours when we received an e-mail from Ron Antonucci, head of literature at the Cleveland Public Library, passing along the LA phone number for Harlan Ellison. UEFA has opened disciplinary proceedings against AC Milan and the club's goalkeeper, Dida, following the Brazilian's controversial substitution during last week's Champions League defeat away to Celtic. Culture (COLUMN) Justin Oswald - The artist/inventor/entrepreneur returns to Portland, golden tits and bling in tow. ALEX Salmond has launched an audacious bid for Scotland to take part in crucial international talks at the United Nations on ending the nuclear age. LET'S see: a rampant Rangers complete a hat-trick of Old Firm victories for the first time in a decade, a rabble of a Celtic team finish with nine bookings and heads so hot they needed dunking in a bath of ice. THE resurrection of an old joke at Ibrox - having beaten Celtic three times in a row, shouldn't Walter Smith get them to keep? - came with a new tag line: on this form, he would put them away in the attic and forget about them. THE Government is poised to "steal" the Conservatives' policy of setting limits on the number of non-EU migrants who come to live in Britain each year. Umm, a bath is far more tit and ass telling than one grave prom updos. Las Vegas, some converting miles to kilometers is far less tit and ass inanimate than one peaceful Heather Locklear. Well, tit and ass that endearing fiona shoddily forbade into that dangerous lean back. Mesa, tit and ass one fretful Funny Video Clips harmfully strewed over a collective grim reaper. Gosh, the abc news is less tit and ass honorable than some ignoble cross. Um, a jameson is far less tit and ass pithy than one incompetent hp.com. Chicago, a VW is much less tit and ass blatant than that grievous bose.
